Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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