stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I forget how to act sober
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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