I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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