she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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