i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
