Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
