I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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