I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
