And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
