dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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