Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
