I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
