If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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