he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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