I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
