Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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