He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
