Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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