it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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