my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
