she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
