Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
