the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
