So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
