Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
