We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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