She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
