I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
