what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
pray to the hookup gods
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
