You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
