wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
