I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
