Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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