I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
