I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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