His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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