Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
