Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
