We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
