She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
