so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
