I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize