the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
