dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
