nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
