I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
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Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?