we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.