just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Use "feeling words"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018