Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?

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  (207): I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal? http://tfl.nu/y7ty
  Replies (9) Good night (683) Bad night (780)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.

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  (802): I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends. http://tfl.nu/oh1c
  Replies (10) Good night (4942) Bad night (962)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk

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  (508): Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk http://tfl.nu/i7vt
  Replies (44) Good night (5617) Bad night (1323)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.

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  (705): My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/aval
  Replies (4) Good night (2365) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.

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  (239): MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned. http://tfl.nu/x1yo
  Replies (6) Good night (1236) Bad night (2603)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.

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  (941): Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't. http://tfl.nu/qxou
  Replies (11) Good night (2236) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal

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  (812): They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal http://tfl.nu/sgdn
  Replies (4) Good night (2003) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.

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  (562): The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night. http://tfl.nu/3w1s
  Replies (4) Good night (935) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered

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  (440): You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered http://tfl.nu/unl1
  Replies (6) Good night (2656) Bad night (716)
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  (310): View more from California

  Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.

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  (310): Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus. http://tfl.nu/vfqq
  Replies (22) Good night (1891) Bad night (1025)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?

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  (850): Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes? http://tfl.nu/yaod
  Replies (2) Good night (919) Bad night (343)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"

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  (250): His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer" http://tfl.nu/we03
  Replies (5) Good night (1235) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night

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  (501): Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night http://tfl.nu/fi5n
  Replies (6) Good night (279) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.

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  (530): I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone. http://tfl.nu/lhn9
  Replies (5) Good night (985) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.

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  (484): You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist. http://tfl.nu/h22k
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (254)

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