He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.