I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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