i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
