That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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