I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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