my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize