i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
