I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
