I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
