I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
