shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
