thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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