He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
