Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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