She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
