Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do herpes really smell.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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