no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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