please come you make the beer taste better
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
